my single self

i think the most challenging part about being married
is trying to reconcile my single life with my married life.
because i've always gravitated towards powerful female role models,
the vision i have of myself is of a strong, independant woman.
it's difficult to combine this idea of my ideal self
with the woman who now shares her adventures with someone else.
of course, i love sharing my life with dante,
and i know we have something special
that we are so blessed to have found,
but sometimes i feel like i've given a little piece of myself away.
it makes me wonder...
how can we retain our fabulous single selves
when we've made a promise to spend our life with someone else?

since high school, i dreamed of going to live in paris for a little while.
when i broke up with an old boyfriend, i almost went, but life got in the way.
now, of course i could still go to paris,
i could spend time there shopping in markets,
strolling the champs elysees,
 sipping noisettes in cafes,
and browsing the merchants kiosks by the seine,
but being married - i know it wouldn't quite be the same.

and although i love living with dante,
sometimes i miss my last apartment,
which breathed meg in every detail.
i sometimes miss living on my own,
keeping my place as messy or as clean as i wanted it,
blaring whatever music i wanted
and playing sexandthecity dvds in the background all day
while i studied for tests.
i'm so lucky to be in a relationship where
sharing space is never a problem,
but it's still an adjustment.

now i sometimes feel like there are two of me,
the fabulous independant girl who goes out to movies by herself,
meets up with girlfriends,
and dreams about moving to paris,
and the loving wife to her loving husband,
creating new adventures together.

things always have to change,
and i do adore my new life,
but i'm going to make sure to keep my single self as a part of me,
and still let her out as often as i need to.


  1. I feel that sometimes..Ive been married for 8 years and it took my hub almost leaving me for my dumbness to realize I can survive w/out him but I would never want to..not saying you need a bad experience..but take it from me...enjoy your other half! Get that much needed alone time as much as you need girly!!

  2. you are definitely not alone. your words could have come straight from my mouth, because i feel the exact same way. finding balance is a continuous struggle, especially when its about balancing what seems like opposite parts of ourselves. thanks for posting this, i thought i was a little bit crazy for thinking this, but now i realize, lots of fabulous women feel the same way.

  3. This is something I've been struggling with lately as well, and I'm not even married yet. Sometimes as I watch my countdown to The date I get a little scared of losing my single self... I like her a lot. Thanks for reassuring me that I'm not the only one that feels like this and that it will be ok. :)

  4. I JUST wrote a post about this last week - being part of a unit and being true to yourself.

    I think it's a process - accepting things you will take part in together and considering each other but taking time for yourself, prioritizing, and evaluating.

    But like mommywonderland says, enjoy it, this addition. You have the rest of your life together and I'm betting you wouldn't have chosen it any other way.

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  6. This is called balance, and you certainly have it. Never ever be "needy", but instead make your independence cause you to be a need to your loved ones.

  7. Anonymous18/1/10

    hun it must be hard but i mean look at those independent smart women they still feel lonely and though u can always have one night stands i think theyd rather have someone to be there forever. (:


  8. Paris à deux is amazing, trust me. You should still come.

  9. i'm not maried yet but i think every girl kinda feels this way when they get married...or even move in with their boyfriend. '
    but you could go to paris together!! stroll the markets together sip champagne in cafes together!

  10. I couldn't have said it better myself ~ balance is key, in all aspects of life ~

  11. this was so honest i enjoyed reading it! as a single gal i blast enough sex and the city dvds to make up for everyone!

  12. This is exactly how I feel and I've been having such a hard time with it lately! It's nice to hear I'm not the only one who thinks about that.

  13. Also, I just noticed your sidebar that you read Three Cups of Tea!!! Yay!

  14. I think, in a way, everyone that has a SO feels that way sometimes. Although I love my husband dearly and could not imagine my life without him I wish I had taken the chance to live by myself for awhile before we'd moved in together. At the time I so wanted to be with him as much as possible and so I jumped at moving in together. Sometimes I wish I would have waited, even maybe just a year, to get that experience of being by myself.

  15. I think that's exactly the balance that you need. Just keep up with yoru girlfriends, keep going to yoga, and if you want to go to Paris, go! ;)

    How funny... I was just saying to my husband yesterday that Paris needs to be our next trip. I've never been, and I just want to go so I can eat my way through it. To me, that's what travel is all about.

  16. You are an inspiration to me in so many ways...Guess what -- I started the most wonderful yoga class!


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