as i've mentioned before,
it feels kind of surreal to be in the same place as i was last year...
living in a new home,
searching for a job,
getting used to a whole new situation in my relationship
(last year it was being newlywed,
this year it's moving across the country
as paul starts his phd)
and it's taken me a bit by surprise that although
i'm in what i would consider to be a difficult situation
(it's hard to be in a new place,
not knowing anyone,
trying to find work and a way to fit in),
i feel quite comfortable here
and happy that my life is taking the path it's supposed to.
it somehow feels different this year...
although i'm again facing the autumn in a new situation
with no employment to speak of (yet),
i don't feel the same sense of questioning & fear
that i felt last year.
instead, i am much more peaceful.
i feel comfortable with the stage i'm at,
and i don't feel any underlying anxiety in my mind
like the way i felt last september
(that i would never really find out
who i am
what i am meant to be doing
where i am going in my life).
maybe it's because last year i had just graduated from university
(which brings with it added stress to find a "meaning" in your life
that somehow pertains to your degree)
and i had free cable
(which seems like a good idea
until you're into your fourteenth straight day
of watching daytime television for six hours straight
while you putter around the house
and the loneliness and crankiness
that accompanies long bouts of tv
has manifested severely into your brain)
and i was coming off of the high of planning & executing
an extremely diy wedding
and had just returned from an unreal month-long honeymoon
to the relative boredom of my new
this year, i have none of those things,
and instead i have the confidence of
having told my husband
"we'll go where you need to get the best education you can"...
and i know i am happy with that decision.
this time around,
i feel good.
i'm exploring a new city,
i'm madly in love with my husband
(who makes as much time as he can in his busy schedule
to come home and chill with me
whether he's snapping pictures of my latest cooking exploits,
*to be posted someday soon*
or we're hanging out reading on the couch),
and i'm enjoying just being me.
i know i'll find a job i love eventually,
and right now i'm happy occupying myself with
*the search for work and volunteer opportunities*
*a pile of delicious novels*
(i just finished the second book in
maya angelou's autobiography
and can't wait to find the third)
*a new town to discover*
*a cozy (but relatively enormous) townhouse
to decorate as i see fit*
to decorate as i see fit*
*a stack of recipes to make my way through*