9/14/10

where i'm supposed to be.


as i've mentioned before,
it feels kind of surreal to be in the same place as i was last year...
living in a new home,
searching for a job,
getting used to a whole new situation in my relationship
(last year it was being newlywed,
this year it's moving across the country
as paul starts his phd)
and it's taken me a bit by surprise that although
i'm in what i would consider to be a difficult situation
(it's hard to be in a new place,
not knowing anyone,
trying to find work and a way to fit in),
i feel quite comfortable here
and happy that my life is taking the path it's supposed to.
it somehow feels different this year...
although i'm again facing the autumn in a new situation
with no employment to speak of (yet),
i don't feel the same sense of questioning & fear
instead, i am much more peaceful.
i feel comfortable with the stage i'm at,
and i don't feel any underlying anxiety in my mind
like the way i felt last september
(that i would never really find out
who i am
what i am meant to be doing
where i am going in my life).
***
maybe it's because last year i had just graduated from university
(which brings with it added stress to find a "meaning" in your life
that somehow pertains to your degree)
and i had free cable
(which seems like a good idea
until you're into your fourteenth straight day
of watching daytime television for six hours straight
while you putter around the house
and the loneliness and crankiness
that accompanies long bouts of tv
has manifested severely into your brain)
and i was coming off of the high of planning & executing
an extremely diy wedding
and had just returned from an unreal month-long honeymoon
to the relative boredom of my new
unemployed life. 
***
this year, i have none of those things,
and instead i have the confidence of
having told my husband
"we'll go where you need to get the best education you can"...
and i know i am happy with that decision.
this time around,
i feel good.
i'm exploring a new city,
i'm madly in love with my husband
(who makes as much time as he can in his busy schedule
to come home and chill with me
whether he's snapping pictures of my latest cooking exploits,
*to be posted someday soon*
or we're hanging out reading on the couch),
and i'm enjoying just being me.
i know i'll find a job i love eventually,
and right now i'm happy occupying myself with
*the search for work and volunteer opportunities*
*a pile of delicious novels*
(i just finished the second book in
maya angelou's autobiography
and can't wait to find the third)
*a new town to discover*
*a cozy (but relatively enormous) townhouse
to decorate as i see fit*
*a stack of recipes to make my way through*
and i know that where i am right now
is where i'm supposed to be.


images from weheartit

13 comments:

  1. Oh wow did I relate to this post... I graduate a year ago, too, and that feeling of uncertainty seemed to just hover in the air over everything I did And despite having recently started a new job and going through a few changes, somehow the transition this year has gone much more smoothly!

    Very happy for you--oh, and if you are looking for another novel to fill your time, I suggest "Love Walked In" by Marisa de los Santos... one of my favorites :)

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  2. Sounds like a good place to be in! :-) Enjoy it all

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  3. oh I'm so happy that you feel that way despite the fact that you're now in a different place. I do believe that you will find an amazing job and I pray you'll be blessed and will enjoy this time of your life :> stay happy and in love

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  4. hmm, are you a mind reader?!? everything you just said is exactly what i went through {especially the tv thing. wow, daytime tv has no appeal to me anymore}. it's a weird feeling to know have an amazing family&friends and an awesome job {and planning a wedding}and then... next thing you know your married and living in this strange place where the only thing you know is the neighborhood cat that jumps the fence and hangs out in your yard.

    it's a rather humbling feeling. also, it makes me so thankful for all the amazing people that i've met in life. i will never take the loved ones in my life for granted.

    hang in there. on the days that your feeling down and blue just remember that it wont last forever. enjoy these quiet moments in life. one day we'll look back and think, "remember that time in life when i saw on the couch for 3 hours straight... those were the good days"

    if you ever need a chat i definitely know what your going through so feel free to shoot me an email anytime :)

    xoxo,
    e

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  5. Such exciting changes definitely come with that, "Oh my gosh, what am I doing??" feeling. I'm glad you're optimistic!

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  6. this is such an awesome post. i just love your blog. you always find a way to see the positive. plus you give me hope- i'm still in that 'limbo' state of wedding planning, life purpose searching, not-sure-how-comfortable-i-am-with-my-life phase right now. :)

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  7. i love this post!

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  8. Meg, I loved this post and carried it around in my head all day yesterday.

    It reminds me of this quote from Nelson Mandela
    “There is nothing like returning to a place that reminds unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.”

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  9. Happy you're happy!

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  10. This is such a beautiful post. It is so motivating to hear that you're so comfortable in letting life run it's path without fear or questions! I'm new to your blog and look forward to reading more :) xoxo

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  11. Everything definitely falls into place at the right time. This time last year I can say I was a girl full of questions and this time I'm done asking questions because I have finally gotten my answers. =)

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  12. I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. It is a journey . . .

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  13. i'm glad you feel you're in the right place! i hope the little things work out and that you enjoy life as much as possible :)

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