on my own.

{from here}
paul is in england this week,
speaking and performing at a conference and doing a little sightseeing.
we've been left to our own devices (the kits & me).
when he's gone, i fall back into my old habits
of playing reruns of sex & the city and well-loved comedies
in the background while i putter around the house.

of looking at an area of our apartment and deciding it could be better organized,
and then spending the next two or three hours
taking everything out of the space
and putting it back in a way that i like better.

of eating fatty comfort foods just because there's no one around to tell me not to.
like big chunks of my treasured black sheep cheese from monforte dairy
...right off a knife.

of going to bed early, wearing one of his t-shirts
and sleeping on his side of the bed
because the pillow has his deep musky smell which i love.

it's hard to be without him.
for some reason, it's a lot less fun to lounge around doing nothing
when the person you most love to lounge around doing nothing with
isn't with you.
so i get antsy.
and he's not at home all day working to keep the kits occupied,
so now when i come home they climb all over me
and cover me with kisses and demand attention
(which i love, don't get me wrong...
just not at two o'clock in the morning or while i'm trying to cook dinner).
and cooking dinner is a lot less fun for one person, too.
it's somehow not as gratifying
when the only yummy noises i have to look forward to
are my own.

but it's good too...
i enjoy being alone with my thoughts,
and the peacefulness of having the apartment to myself.
it's nice to throw my clothes on the floor without feeling bad
that they'll be in his way later
(of course i pick them up before too long, paul... don't worry).
i've enjoyed spreading out like a starfish in our big bed,
my legs searching for the cool places in the covers
that never seem to be there
when there's another person sleeping beside you.
but mostly, i'd rather have him here, with me.
it just seems better that way.

this weekend, i'm looking forward to a "date"
with my best friend's fiancé to see her new show
and get to know him a little better (yay!)
and also as much time as possible spent
at toronto's huge yoga show & conference,
but i'm definitely not going to complain
when i come home from work on monday afternoon
and my love is waiting there for me
exhausted after a day of traveling.
because then i can give him the biggest hug...
and he always gives the best hugs.


  1. This post reads like you wrote it for me! My husband is away this weekend so I've got the fort to myself. That usually means watching romantic comedies, eating bad food that I don't enjoy and all the while I miss my love. I suppose that is why love is so great and profound... it just makes the mundane all the more enjoyable. I hope your reunion is magical!

    Sal x

  2. I don't live with my boyfriend but I definitely appreciate the time spent with him or friends and the time alone. I need my time to be lazy and just be by myself. Great post. :)


  3. Love this post and the love you have with your husband...the kind of bond you should have, so sweet! I hope you had a lovely time when he returns reconnecting, but I'm sure you did and are enjoying having him back! :)

  4. sorry you have be to without your hubby! i hate it when mine has to go away too!! too bad you didn't go with him to foggy england town... we could have met up and had many play days together :)


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