on supporting those who are hurting.

there are people in my life who are hurting right now. people i care about deeply are losing loved ones, coming to the end of relationships, struggling with careers, dealing with big life changes.

when i think of these people who are so dear to me (which i do often), i wish i could do something to take their pain away. when i talk to them, i tell them (depending on the situation) "i'm sending you love and peace," "i'm so sorry you're hurting," "breathe deeply and take time for yourself," "these things are hard, and healing takes time," and i'm scared, because i don't know if these are the right things to say. i only know i can't make the situations better, i can't take the hurt away.

i have struggled in difficult situations in my life. i've had my heart broken, i've lost people i cared about, i've struggled with the vast unknown of the future and the uncertainty of whether i can handle it. in those times, there isn't anything others could have said to make things better. these are problems that cannot be fixed by others. i had my path to walk, and it was mine alone to travel. what i was going through couldn't be solved, or in some cases even eased, by anything anyone else could say or do.

what did help was knowing people cared. people still made time for me even when all i could talk about was what was happening in my life, or when i couldn't talk at all. people sat with me in silent solidarity on the phone or in person, sent me cards and messages of encouragement, related stories of difficult times they too had gone through so i didn't feel alone - so i felt normal while grieving or feeling overwhelmed and defeated.

the words they spoke or wrote didn't matter - their presence did.

i'm here for you.

i love you.

anytime you need me, just let me know.

so although i'm a fixer, when someone in my life is hurting, i am slowly learning that i can't jump in and make it better. i can't offer some miracle epiphany that will speed up the healing process or make a difficult situation easier. i can't push my way into people's lives and take over and fix everything to make it beautiful and happy again, as much as i would want to.

all i can do is sit in the background, sending love and encouragement, letting them know "i am here."

for my friends and family members who are hurting or struggling, please know that i love you, that i am thinking of you, that i am here, if you need anything at all, from a meal in your fridge to a hand to hold, to a silent ear on the other end of the phone. i don't know how to make it better, but i hope that helps a little.

{image from here}


  1. I think you're doing all you can/should do. There is no sure way to take the pain away from another but being there is typically enough. Just letting that person know that goes miles. When I have a tough go of things & it's not my husband that I'm upset with (ha!), I tell him that the best way he can be there for me is to just be there physically & maybe rubbing my back. I don't know, for me just that rubbing of the back makes me feel better. But I think that if you just let that person/s know that your there to talk or just sit next to them on the couch, that will mean the world to them. :)

    Mandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/

    1. I totally agree Mandie - I like backrubs after a hard day too :)

    2. I totally agree Mandie - I like backrubs after a hard day too :)


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